Across the Universe

Since changing up my pharmacological routine, I’m back to the same rapid-fire manic thought process that drove me ’round to a shrink in the first place. Insane-making, but kind of funny! Here’s a sampling of today’s most random thoughts:

1. There is NOTHING good about Taylor Swift’s “Our Song,” it is horrid, but it makes me think fondly of being sixteen and ass-over-teakettle in love with my high school boyfriend so I not only listen instead of changing the radio, I sing along at great volume. FOR SHAME.

2. Speaking of singing, Rock Band has shown me that I can sing exactly like one Mr. Scott Weiland from Stone Temple Pilots. “Vasoline” isn’t an IDEAL lullaby for a newborn but it seems to be working.

3. Giving away a baby’s super-tiny outfits because the doctor says “he won’t need the 4-7 pound clothes” before the baby is even born is so phenomenally arrogant, I’m glad that Owen escaped his first pediatrician visit with only a warning that he had lost a bit too much weight instead of with a really serious problem. Also, buying preemie-sized onesies is really sad when you stop to think about the babies that are so tiny that they swim in them.

4. It’s horrifying how soon pediatricans start pushing formula on mothers. They may have MDs and all, but how can it possibly be healthy to tell a mother less than 36 hours after her milk actually comes in that she needs to supplement with formula? Especially when increased nursing will fix the weight problem sans formula. Might it have something to do with the fact that your waiting room looks like a corporate sponsor display for Enfamil and Similac? Deeeeeesgusting.

5. The title of this book is totally hilarious.

6. Would it be tacky to send a mass message to every person on my Facebook list that says “I delete every group or application invitation I get, sight unseen, so cut it out, and oh, I have NO IDEA what this Scrabulous business is”?

7. Mr. Police Officer, if you’re going to ride around in broad daylight in an “unmarked cruiser” (see also: black Ford Crown Victoria with visible instrumentation suctioned to the windshield) you may want to remove the aviator sunglasses and trim the handlebar mustache. You are not fooling anyone and you might have caused a traffic accident when I had to pull over from laughing at you so hard that I couldn’t keep the car on the road.

8. Being greeted by little cousins fresh off the school bus with bear hugs is great, but…

9. Barrelling over the back roads of Maine in the late afternoon sun, singing along to favorite songs on the radio and sipping an extra-large light-cream-no-sugar-Dunkin Donuts coffee is what I want my heaven to be like.