Q & A

Q & A Session: 21 Weeks

Question: Should I, out of anticipation and curiosity, start reading the myriad “birth stories” on the internet, of which there are legion thanks to the Mommy Bloggers?
Answer: No. No you shouldn’t. You will freak yourself out and convince your husband that your labor will be both 80+ hours long and at the same time risk birthing your child in a moving vehicle, and then he will make the confused pouty face and have to consult his copy of The Birth Partner for sane reactions.

Question: Should I ignore size guidelines when buying a baby wrap on eBay and figure that extra two feet or so of material won’t matter?
Answer: No. No you shouldn’t. By the way, anyone want to buy an Ellaroo La’Rae size S for $40? I’ll cover shipping.

Question: Should I do a custom paint motif with stenciled designs for a nursery?
Answer: Sing with me if you know the words…. No. No you shouldn’t. Ever. The kid won’t remember. Save your sanity and money for ice cream.

Question: If I do it anyway and the stencils are cheap and flimsy and the well-intentioned stars come out more like tumor-afflicted starfish…what can I do?
Answer: http://www.allposters.com, Advanced Search, set size parameters and price cap. It’s worth the money, trust me.

Question: So I stenciled anyway and now I’m waiting on my poster order, so now I just need to know…what kind of ice cream?
Answer: Fudge ripple chip takes the pain out of misguided decorating attempts quite nicely.

Question: I had my ultrasound! It was neat, 3D color and everything! Except 20-week old fetuses are kind of freaky looking! Is it insensitive to tell people that the photo reminds you of Gorbachev?

Answer: Yes. But I’m gonna do it anyway. And to me, this is the most beautiful former Soviet PM that ever did kick me in the bladder.