Direct Hit

For weeks now I’ve wondered if Maggie had really bonded to me. Sure, I spend all day with her, but she is deeply thrilled to spend evenings with her father. She’ll be held by anyone without complaint. Of course I provide 95% of her meals–fresh from the tap, as it were–but she knows her daddy can provide the fresh-from-concentrate frozen version if required. I think the sun rises and sets on her, but it seemed she could take or leave me.

On Friday I hurt my back getting the car seat out of the back. As such, we’ve been doing 90% of the nursing lying down on the bed or on a mat on the floor in the living room because holding her, even supported, is still a bit painful.

Now, Maggie has started to register more complex emotions aside from “HUNGRY NOW!” “WET NOW!” “Ahhhhhh BOOB” and my favorite “Why are you shaking that rattle thing in my face? If I smile, will you stop?” Anger, happiness–it’s all starting to come into play.

We were enjoying a quiet, happy morning today, wearing her in the sling so I could move freely and try to do some housework. I put her down on the bed today, taking her out of the sling and moving to the side of the bed so I could get down and position myself comfortably. Maggie, unaware she was about to be rejoined to me, stared at me for a second and then her face just crumpled. It wasn’t a hungry “feed me!!” grimace or a scared “Where are the big people?!” frown, it was actual hurt. A sad, confused “But…mommy…we were having a nice time!” moue coupled with a tiny cry. She cried in a different tone than before, a little more plaintive and sad. I cuddled her to me before starting to nurse and she stopped and smiled. I felt relief that my baby girl knew me and missed me and was overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a mommy–being The Mom–to such a sweet baby girl.

Whereupon her smile grew wider and, scrunching her nose, she noisily filled her pants.

Ah, love. It does move the world. And, it seems, the bowels.