Hmm, I am a little stuffy. My throat hurts.
Are my glands swollen? “Honey? Feel my glands? What do you mean, NO?”
[Checks mirror] They look swollen. Or I’m still fat from the baby.
How can I still be fat? I lost 90% of the weight the first month out. It’s the nightly brownie. I’m going to die a fat diabetic.
But my throat still hurts, and tickles, and now my head aches, so maybe I won’t die a fat diabetic. I’m going to die of swine flu.
Oh my god, I have swine flu. This is the beginning. I’m going to spend the weekend flat on my back sick.
What if I give the baby swine flu? What if she has to be hospitalized? Oh, damn me for not getting her a flu shot when I had the chance! She was already getting four shots, I didn’t want to add a fifth elective poke!
Hmm, I feel much better after that glass of water. Dehydration? Are my glands still swollen?
“Honey, feel my glands? ‘Stop asking.’ Nice. Real nice. You’ll miss me when I die of swine diabetes.”