Note to those who want to move to Oahu:

1. Laws re: fireworks/explosives are not enforced. EVER.
2. There is a huge military presence, the main demographic for Ultimate Fighting Championship.

Tonight is fight night. Do they make infant-size ear plugs? No? Where’s that Benadryl…

ETA: Ah! Honolulu’s Finest have been summoned. Good to see you, boys. See if you can’t grab the friendly neighborhood gas siphoners while you’re up here in the country.