Call the Police!

My hometown paper often publishes clips from the Rochester, NH police logs. To say that they take liberties with some of the log entries would be an understatement. Sometimes there is snark, other times poems, and occasionally bad puns. Here are my favorite clips from the last month and a half:

10:19 a.m. — At the station a man reports finding “very large foot prints” behind his home. Police investigate this Bigfoot sighting.

11:01 a.m. — A Riviera Motel resident reports that $70 was stolen from her. Last September.

4:29 p.m. — A Felker Street man got a watch as a gift, but now it’s gone missing, and boy, is he miffed.

9:28 a.m. — A man is checking out vehicles in an Industrial Way parking lot. It’s OK. He is an insurance adjuster.

5:13 p.m. — A man who had an Xbox and loaned it to a friend, has spotted it at Quick Cash. Is friendship at an end?

2:41 a.m. — On Myrtle Street another boyfriend is drunk. This one “will not shut up.”

9:38 p.m. — On Old Dover Road, a small dog that has been outside barking all day is told to “shut the hell up” by its owner. Yessuh!

6:28 p.m. — At the Shell on Farmington Road, a short, fat lady smashes a gentleman’s taillight with a hammer, while her male companion threatens him with a wrench — the third wrench in one police log.

10:46 a.m. — A teenager punches a kitchen door on Lafayette Street and bravely heads off without a jacket.

8:32 a.m. — On Pickering Road, like everywhere, the weather’s awful snappy. A dog tied to his dog house is thought to be unhappy. (The ACO heads down the line and says the pooch is doing fine.)

12:32 a.m. — There is a report of five men on North Main Street yelling “Niger.” This is more likely to be a racist incident obscured by a spelling error than people practicing for a geography bee.