Things I Think But Don’t Say Out Loud at the KidzPlay Indoor Gym:

I can handle most kid noise but parents who allow their children to scream because they like the sound and let them do it indoors should be slapped.

I know the family bathroom smells like a urinal after last call, but please don’t change diapers in the lunch area.

The gym is basically a two-level padded cell enclosed by heavy-duty fine mesh nylon netting. There is almost no way your kid can get truly hurt in there. So when you follow your kid into the narrow tubes and down the skinny slides because you’re afraid your kid will get hurt, you are going to look really foolish when you get stuck. I kept Maggie in the 2-and-under area until I knew she could navigate and let her run, because I know if my pregnant ass followed her in there it would end like Winnie The Pooh trapped in the honey tree. The ONLY place your kid could get hurt is if they climbed up to the roof of the mini-playhouse, which is not allowed and really hard anyway. Back off and knit things or read like the rest of us.

If your kid CAN climb on the roof of the mini-playhouse, I’ll thank you to keep your radioactive monkey-gene juice out of my kid’s cup so she will not be influenced by your hooligan’s shocking disregard for…wait. That’s my kid on the roof of the playhouse that the gym guards are running to get. Er…carry on, then.


2 thoughts on “Unsaid

    • And I didn’t do anything, either. I stared at her trying to figure out “How in the blessed hell did she get up there?!” for a good 30 seconds before I realized that I should probably get her down before the gym employees did it for me.

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