New Feature: Better Ask A Breeder!

Somehow Tom has found himself embroiled in several conversations over the past two weeks with childless folks who are curious about the logistics of family and life with kids. We’re not sure if this curiosity stems from the desire to become parents themselves or if it’s the same instinct that draws people to the circus freakshow, but the questions led me to ask Tom: “What is this? ‘Better ask a breeder’ week?”

Another friend suggested that might be good blog fodder, so here we are! Submit your questions in the comments and as a breeder of one-and-some, I can try to answer.

This week’s question comes from one of Tom’s coworkers: “Just what do you get a family for a second baby, anyway? They already have everything, right?”

The answer to this one depends. If you’re local, the answer is food. The answer is ALWAYS food. Ask if the family has any dietary restrictions or favorite freezable recipes and hook their shit up with a few frozen lasagnas. Use disposable pans from the grocery store so they don’t have to clean or return anything. They’re going to be up to their ears in navigating laundry, feedings, sleeplessness, sibling whatever, and the idea of going to the stove for yet another frozen pizza just might make them cry. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FEED THEM. It will save them from killing each other in a fit of hateful exhaustion and feeding off the bodies.

If you aren’t local, start with clothes. When was their first child born? If you have a family where the older child was a girl born in the winter and they’re due to have a son in mid-June, boyfriend is going to need some 0-3 month shorts and a festive Hawaiian shirt or two. Likewise, the best gifts I’ve received for 2.0 are hand-me-downs from friends and family who’ve had winter babies so Ninja Baby The Second won’t freeze to death wearing its Hawaiian-born sister’s sunsuits.

Or, y’know, you could ask if they have an Amazon wishlist or if they need anything specific. Breeders may have taken leave of their senses but we do usually speak with our human tongues.


One thought on “New Feature: Better Ask A Breeder!

  1. How horribly or wonderfully has having a baby(ies) effected ( or is it affected?) your marriage? Do you lovingly look at your baby and then look at your husband and think ” We made that beautiful creature” or do you look at him while he sleeps and you are awake with the newborn and want to smother him? Or both? I’m nervous!

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