In retrospect, it was probably a good thing that our mechanic decided to get a jump on his work and call us at 6am this morning to clarify some paperwork. I needed a place to direct my rage at my home state, and he fit the bill nicely.
I had several friends who were out in high school. It just…wasn’t a big deal. I had some friends in the closet, too, and their concern was mainly how their parents would perceive them–not their peers or our town.
It’s quite a visceral gut-punch to see how Maine, which I genuinely believed until about 7pm HST yesterday would be different, in the end was just like the rest. Several people I know voted No, and were deeply ashamed and depressed today. I know the feeling. My sister spoke to a close friend from Biddeford who, as he cried, told her he had never in his life felt uncomfortable about who he was or where he lived until today. Of course, she was unable to offer comfort aside from a hollow “Next time.”
Next time. Why not this time? Why? What did you gain, Yes voters? You have the unique knowledge that you made several lives worse yesterday, and for whom and for what? My god, these are parents, children, families that you’ve hurt, to protect what? Is your marriage so insecure, your idea of right and wrong so skewed, that allowing gay and lesbian couples to have full marriage would destroy your own? Your lives would not have changed with a No vote.
Do you delight in the idea that a gay or lesbian couple is more vulnerable financially because it is harder to protect their assets? Do you think it fitting and right that non-biological partners have to go through humiliating second-parent adoptions to legally connect with their own children? Does it please you to know that a doctor may keep loving partners away from each other in the hospital as one dies, alone, without the comfort of the one they love most, because they are not married in the eyes of the state? These things happen all the time, and given the opportunity to make things right you decided to squash the civil rights of your fellow man.
Worst of all, watching the Yes coverage on the news, and the pictures and video, you did it with glee. You looked upon your neighbors and classmates and colleagues, your aunts and uncles and cousins and your own children and said from the anonymity of the voting booth, “Your rights are worth less than mine. You are worth less than me.” And then, you celebrated. How could you? How dare you?
I try, I try so hard not to be angry, to accept the differences of my countrymen and women, and sometimes I fail. I have failed at understanding that viewpoint. I have hatred in my heart tonight.
Mainers are a wacky bunch, distinct from the rest of New England, and until today I thought them–us–to be lovably so. I always saw a “mind your business and we’ll mind ours” philosophy from so many Yankee men and women who were fiercely independent. It’s hard knowing that the image you grew up with was a lie. My home county (York) carried a No majority, so I suppose my home is still what I remember it to be, but my faith in the state as a whole is shattered. I saw the opportunity there to make history and I believed with my whole heart that it could be done, that it would be done; instead the place that I love more than anywhere else in the world is just another footnote in the history of bigotry.
I don’t want civil unions or domestic partnerships. Nothing less than full equality for all of America’s citizens will do, as our founding fathers intended. Separate but equal is not okay, has never been okay.
Question 1 was called just after I went to bed last night. Reading the news this morning, I held my daughter and nursed her and cried and cried into her curls, hoping that someday she will inhabit a fairer world.
Maine, you broke my heart.